Image27: New Year's Eve '91
Back To: The Tyranny of Materiality
just
the thought
of our bed
makes me crumble like the plaster
where you punched the wall beside my head
and I try
to draw the line
but it ends up running down the middle of me
most of the time …
…
baby I love you
that's why I'm leaving
there's no talking to you
and there's no pleasing you
and I care enough
that I'm mad
that half the world don't even know
what they could have had
-- Ani
DiFranco: "Out of Range"
New Year's Eve party at Mark and Joyce's apartment . . . when Mark first planned the party Brian(2) and I were still together . . . before the party I asked Mark if he had heard from Brian because I wasn't going to attend if he was coming because we would be tense as we weren't together anymore . . . no, Mark hadn't heard from him soooooo here I am at the party with [from left] Andrea, Greg, Steve, Paul, Jay [behind Paul's head] and Don . . .
Photographer switch: here's Mark in the photo . . . we're all having fun, relaxed and fooling around . . . eventually Brian(2) and a buddy strolled in and Brian was tanked . . . the atmosphere of the party definitely shifted . . . it was obvious that I was uncomfortable but I felt that everyone should be around friends on New Year's . . . there was another dynamic at work: Brian and Paul tended to get on each other's nerves . . . the first breaking point occurred when Brian was leaning on me: I think he tried to kiss me and I pulled away so my wheelchair tipped back and a beer spilled . . . next thing I know Brian is pinned up against the wall by the crew . . . keep in mind that no one's sober . . . they end up pushing him out the door telling him to go home [he lived a mile or two down the road] . . .
And the final image . . . quite a difference in body language, no? . . . it's getting toward midnight and the phone rings: it's Brian . . . he's very agitated and upset . . . I go into the bedroom to attempt to talk to him . . . he's saying drunk stupid things and I'm telling him to go to sleep . . . everyone began calling for me as New Year's was almost upon us . . . I said good bye to Brian, hung up, then left the phone off the hook as he continued to call back . . . we drank our champagne and cheered and Paul and I kissed when the clock struck Midnight . . . so the party continued, until someone went outside to get beer from the keg . . . the front door burst open and Paul ran in yelling: "Brian's back and he's got a knife!" He goes to the phone but of course it's dead as the bedroom extension's off the hook . . . in a psudo-protective mode Paul pushes me back a bit as I attempt to wheel forward to go talk to Brian . . . my wheelchair skitters backward hitting the cabinets at an angle then I'm tipping over backwards as Paul rushes by to call 9-1-1 from the bedroom . . . so, I'm in a heap on the floor until Andrea and Joyce get me back into my chair . . . I go outside where who knows what occurred . . . Brian's face is all bloody from someone hitting him and I start crying then the cops came . . . Mark was in a precarious position: in Brian's state of mind we didn't know what he might do next as he continued to be argumentative so he pressed charges [meeting with a judge at a later time to rescind them] . . . Brian brought the knife for self-defense as opposed to intent to harm others . . . to think of the factors: alcohol, anger, weapon . . . then think of worst case outcomes: it is lucky that no one was injured though luck seems to be on our side quite a bit . . . what's missing from these images? Brian(2) is invisible / absent yet he is apparent in the third photo . . .